addendum to previous post

I don't hate Texas, I hate the school board that decided that capitalism should be called "the free-market enterprise," and "imperialism" something even more absurd.

I also am pretty opposed to a school board of education deciding that it is ok to say that the US was founded by Christian men and Christian principals. I don't think "All men are created equal" is written in Matthew or Paul.

Anywho, I do not hate Texas, apologies to my Texan readers, ahem. Just the above-mentioned.

I HATE TEXAS

This makes me terribly sad, angry and even more angry at the state of conservatism in education. It's so apparent that our lives are dictated by old white men, and it makes me furious to know that most textbooks of public schools buy their stuff from Texas, because it's the biggest market.

It is even more apparent that in the United States, we need to have teachers that are willing to teach a revisionist history of the US and the world, and not those things that come from textbooks. And, that, in fact, revisionist histories of the US should be made into textbook formats instead of those expensive books that are released in small presses and only sold at places like "Teaching for Change" (based at Busboys & Poets--a lovely institution).

Man...what will happen next?

question of the morning...

Just a slight rumination from a reading teacher:

Why do a lot of my students--and I remember this from last year, as well--have a tougher time reading & understanding a book when they read by themselves, and yet have a much better time when they read aloud? Is it learning style, or is it compensation?

I'd be interested in finding out! Research for the summer, or do any of my blog readers have some tips.

By the way, I'm still here....just wicked busy. Had an interview at a charter school, and it went super well! I'm hoping upon hopes!

why i will never be black

A long while ago, when I first started this blog, I had this huge piece of sadness that occurred to me one day when a paraprofessional back in MA started talking to the kids in street, to help the kids along in a concept. It may not necessarily make me sad in the way of, "oh, that's depressing, he's talking street," it was more of a "wow, I will never know how to do that, nor will I ever be able to relate to my students in that way."

Race is powerful, and it's even more powerful when you look at yourself and you realize that there's something you just won't ever be or get, because you're not black/Latino/Asian/American Indian, whichever. It makes me sad that I can't ever connect to my African American kids like the other African American teachers can...I don't have the language, the attitude, or the understanding.

Today, the guidance counselor helped dispel a kid's anger about getting rid of his carrots (which I knew he was going to eat in class and/or throw) by just taking him by the arm, guiding him along the hall and covering his face. She moved in this ridiculously fluid motion, saying, "Nah, nah," making him laugh. She moved toward him, puffing her chest out like she was going to hit him--a fake, if you know what I'm talking about--which was more than obviously a joke. He calmed down instantly. I would never have handled that that well, at least not now, and it made me extremely sad. I don't know if I'm describing this so well, but there was this air of it that really said to me, "You won't be able to do this; you can't relate like that; you're not black."

the battle with sleep continues

As vacation ends, another day begins, and another sleepless night. Man, I couldn't fall asleep again, and it's driving me insane. Why is sleep so erratic in my life? My guess is the anticipation and anxiety of starting another (the last) quarter at school. I'm dreading it, which is terrible, but I've built it up as such a terrible place that I don't think I can make it otherwise. Because, honestly, I'm just not that into it anymore. That's sort of a bad thing to say, but I just feel it.

Anyhow, I'm applying to new schools--got some cover letters and resume done. I applied to two charters, and am looking into other public schools. We'll see how that goes. Let's hope that gets me better sleep!

just when you think you don't like a person...you start to talk about poetry

I love poetry. Love love love love it. It's my life, afterall--I write it, I read it, I advocate for it. My administrator and I share that love, apparently...it's crazy to think that such a hard-headed, autocratic, and pretty insulting guy can be such a lover of poetry. And make me impressed and want to befriend him (in the way that only an administrator and teacher can befriend each other--by talking about cool things besides school and not in the let's get some drinks kind of way).

So, judgments are what they are...and I think I'm pretty right to say that he can be a jerk--he's the causal of many a frustration on my team and also his dept...but, at the same time, man, he's got some poetry history! Was in this famous African American poet MFA called Kave Kanem (sp?), and was taught by Yusuf Komunyaaka and Marylin Nelson...damn!

Well, anyhow...I'm still stressed to the nines, though a tad less so. I went pretty militant on my students the other day (my fourth period), and kept them there after the bell rang for three whole minutes of silence while they practiced their rotations from station to station. It was murder for them, and myself, but it certainly worked. Also, that day that I was feeling terrible, my lovely colleague came to watch me and helped me re-structure my room, so now I have a clear small group area that avoids all the chatter and ridiculousness that led to my downfall (of sorts). Now, my small group runs relatively smoothly, and I think we've been doing pretty well for ourselves on getting the reading done. Almost done with it, anyhow.

from a letter to myself

I really want to make sure my mainstream kids are doing good things with keeping track of their books--they're going to feel really dorky about it, but it's really going to help them. I hope. They say they don't understand the book, so i really want to help them with that. It just SUCKS that i can't have the time to actually make this class a real reading class--to help them focus on the real strategies that will get them to understand main idea and details, etc. But that's a completely different battle.

Either way, i'd like S., M. and V. to write me a bit on why they think the book they're reading is not understandable...and I think I might have to read it with them so that i can understand it myself.

I think, also, on the high school side, things need to heat up with my fourth period. Perhaps our admin coming in and observing will really be an asset. However, I think he's going to have to know a little bit about how this program runs before he comes in. Maybe. I dunno, we'll see--I hope he pulls through with it. And, I think Ms. C. is supposed to come in tomorrow to watch for T (a recent skipper, tough to keep him in the classroom). I hope he's is actually there.

Lots of things to think about, and all of this is just a sliver of the shit that I have put myself under. I hope that next year, I have a place where objective calendars are either not a big deal or are something I can do practically in my sleep. I hope next year I have the creative ability that i've been pretty much longing for since i got into this business. I hope these next couple of months keep me busy and interested and wanting to succeed and have my students succeed. These new students have needs that I just haven't gotten to know yet, and i'm wondering how best to serve them. This is the trick that seems to be worrying me the most, getting me nervous again (i can feel it in my heart, it's beating pretty wildly, and i'm wondering whether or not sleep will be fitful or restful tonight). My hope is it'll be restful.